By Andreyes Lagler : December 5th

Everybody in the United States of America needs to have a gun on them at all times! By providing everyone with the luxury of a dangerous piece of metal capable of killing many we can reduce the amount of shootings there are in the world. Think about it, every person in the world having a gun would mean that nobody would shoot each other in the middle of a Taco Bell anymore.

Providing every citizen with a gun even children get to feel safe as they have their holster on them while learning how to add in class! Even their teacher feels better now that she has that good ol’ glock 19 in her back pocket. There is no way that a teacher would feel tempted to just pull it out and start shooting the class at all, that would just be silly! Even if they did the students have their own and can react to it by also unleashing bullets, that wouldn’t scar anybody at all.

Don’t worry, nobody would feel in danger or paranoid now that there are 20 pistols in each room you walk into. Now that you are walking around and you get shot you can shoot back! You will always be able to shoot back after being shot in the spine, being paralyzed or even being shot in fatal areas you definitely can protect yourself after death right?! See, what is with everybody not seeing the positive in letting every citizen hold that hunk of metal in their pocket.

This is my kid Lil Darryl Jr and his best friend Cliff, look at the joy in their faces as they hold that beauty! Aren’t they adorable? He always tells me how he is so sad that he can’t take it to school because he want’s to take it to show and tell, but he also wants to just keep it in his backpack just in case anything happens.

Of course anybody could shoot the gun whenever they want and cause shootouts or even kill many people out of nowhere but that’s nothing new! This happens all the time so why not give everyone an equal opportunity to cause a mass shooting.

 

By: Maren Appert | 5 December, 2018

This weekend, after mistaking the clearly labeled doors within the White House, president Donald Trump ended up walking into the White House Library while attempting to enter the kitchen. Believing he could order himself the typical Diet Coke and Kentucky Fried Chicken for breakfast, Trump began perusing the books, which much to his chagrin were not menus.

 

“I just don’t get it, why do they have so many words and so few pictures?” Trump asked.

 

A kind librarian tried to joke with Trump and suggested he read the children’s book, A Very Hungry Caterpillar. Before a staffer could explain to Trump that he was, in fact, still not in the kitchen, Trump exclaimed with delight.

 

“Yes! Let’s get that menu.”

 

When being escorted to the books, he came across a selection he thought was deeply pertinent to his current goal of getting lunch, The Three Little Pigs. Suprised that he was able to read this “menu” with ease, Trump sat down as an aide nervously scooched a Diet Coke near him, hoping he would be content and pacified for a bit.

 

Reading how the three pigs were able to keep the big bad wolf out, Trump declared he no longer needed to have multiple architects, border patrol, environmentalists, and economists work on fixing the border. Why make immigration easily accessible to those who desperately need asylum? He, at last, knew how he would build his wall.

 

“I always thought that nobody builds walls better than me, believe me —  these three little pigs have it all figured out, we need to make the border out of bricks. I’ll build it very inexpensively. I will build a great, great wall of bricks that cannot be blown down by any Mexican wolves on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall. Mark my words.”

 

Trump, still sipping on his Diet Coke through thin old people lips, sputtered on,

 

“Can someone get me a meeting with these pigs? They seem to know how to handle this whole border thing.”

John Kelly reluctantly picked up a banana that Trump handed him and made a phone call, shooing out the reporters.

 

BY: MIKA SUEYOSHI / DECEMBER 5, 2018

Do your kids have a JUUL?  If not, you need to get them one now!

Yes, I am talking about those flash drive looking vape pens.  They are changing the next generation for the better, and I encourage all of my fellow moms to invest in getting their children JUULs for the holidays this season.

I am here to educate you on the world of JUULs, and I hope that you spread the message to all of your book club mom groups, yoga buddies at the gym, and close friends.  These new vaping tools are here to help our children in ways that us moms cannot.

You may be a little skeptical at first, but trust me I was too.  Until my good friend Rachel educated me about all the benefits from JUULing.  Ever since I got my two kids ( Carter (15) and Eylssa (17)) a JUUL I have seen major improvements to both of them.  Which is why I am so passionate about teaching my fellow moms about JUULs.

High school is a very scary place for many teenagers and “fitting in” is not always easy for everyone.  My son Carter had always struggled to “fit in” at school, but ever since I got him a JUUL things started to change drastically.  When a classmate found out that Carter had gotten a JUUL he invited him over to his house to hang out to hit Carter’s JUUL. They have continued to hang out and now Carter has a new friend.  His friend than introduced him to his whole friend group! They are the popular kids at school who love to skip class and go JUUL in the bathrooms. Carter’s JUUL lead him to his friends now and it has made him so excited to leave the house to get domed with his friends at the park. This JUUL has changed his social life in a way that I would have never imagined.

Now moms this is what I love most about JUULs they have become the best incentive ever! Ever since I got my kids a JUUL I made the flavored pods incentives.  These little pod awards are given to them if they attend at least one day of school a week and or if they don’t spend over $1000 in one week. If they do these simple task then they are awarded a whole new pack of pods once the week is over.  With pods as their incentives it has encouraged them to not spend $5000 like they usually do and at least get a little bit of education in. I love to let them JUUL while they do their school work because the domed feeling helps them work faster. This is a hard time in their life, with so many changes happening in these few year.  Trust me when I say JUULs are life changing because they are!

JUULing has started to boost both of my teenagers confidence because they have created more friends in high school and they are now considered “cool” because JUUL.  My husband and I are considered the “cool parents” and let any of their friends come JUUL in our house. When the kids JUUL in the house it leaves a nice hazy film in the air.  I love inhaling the smoke of the fruit medley and mango into my lungs. The smoke from the JUULs smells like candy, almost like Pixie Stick powder, which is why I love it when all the teenagers vape in my house.  It is also really easy for us moms to buy more pods for our kids because you can get them at any gas station and they are a pretty decent price of only $14.99. I buy about 20 packs a day because I love to stock up the pantry will every single flavor so my kids can have many options.  I have the classic menthol, cool cucumber, fruit medley, mango, and creme brulee.

JUULing has helped me these past couple months and has changed my teenagers for the better.  Their lungs are not getting ruined for their future. And they act their best when they are completely domed in the head.  The addiction is helping them stay awake all the time and not get any sleep at all. Who needs sleep when you are a teenager though?? Amiright moms!! I am so proud of kids for getting addicted to smoking these little flash drives. These JUULs have made my kids smile more then I have ever seen them before.  If you want to have this lifestyle then all you need to do is buy your kids JUULs for Christmas, Hanukkah, or their Birthdays. I cannot stress to you how much I love JUULs. I am hear to spread the message of why you should go get your kid a JUUL.

By: Rachel Jung | 5 December, 2018

  In a world where parties really matter in college, SDSU holds a notable reputation as a top party school. However, as the media continues to unravel the deep dark truths about these college parties with the countless remarks about sexual assault allegations and tales of drunk college students, it has led to the real boys, the frat boys, to deal with this matter.

“Here is the solution”, as said directly by frat boy Chad from SDSU  “basically if you are not in a fraternity or a sorority and I don’t see a text, you can’t join the party.”

Easy as 1, 2, 3, the boys have come up with a super effective strategy to keep the party scene at state low key.  To simply put it, rules are rules:

Number 1, ladies, you have to justify that you are in a sorority by showing your sororities Groupme chat and no screenshots allowed, non-sorority girls. Number 2, if you are not in a sorority but you still want to get it on, ladies you’re gonna need to find yourself a boy toy in whichever frat you want to party with so that he can get you in.

It’s that simple, girls: be in a sorority or find yourself a frat guy and for boys: join a frat or… there is no other option.

And it’s all fun and fine because with more than 2,000 girls rushing to be in a sorority every year, only about 800 actually get into one, and there being only 9 sorority houses, it sure gives the ladies an equal chance to experience the party scene at state. In fact, with 15 or 19 or some unknown number of fraternities that we don’t know if they truly exist or not because they get kicked out left and right each year, boys would of course throw themselves down to join a frat where he would have to endure countless tasks that question their pride, but who cares because in the end they get to party.

Besides, with all the rules and restriction regarding who’s allowed in to the  party, if the cops end up coming, it will definitely not be because there is way too many people, but rather because those who got in and are having way too much fun.

Anyways just look at SDSU, making great change for the better. While other schools allow anybody and everybody in, San Diego State has improved to show a great effort at keeping a tight security and the boys have stepped up to take responsibility when it comes to partying. So give the boys some respect, whip out your phones and show them your GroupMates or text,or you’re not partying.

 

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Don’t believe everything you read online. — George Washington